Let's Talk About Bingeing.

Here, where we are all workshopping our health and wellness, it is a safe place to broach the topic of binge eating. It is a struggle for a LOT of people; way more than you probably think. And I want you to know something very important: there is nothing wrong with you if you binge, you are not broken, your willpower muscle is just fine, you are not lazy, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

The very first thing we address with bingeing is the shame piece. All the research in the world will tell you is that shame propels the very behavior we want to mitigate. Shame is an extremely powerful emotion and it contributes to growth in absolutely NO WAY. Instead, shame feels HORRIBLE. Shame is an emotion that is defining-- it makes us believe things about ourselves that feel really bad. And when we feel really bad, even subconsciously, we naturally want to reach for our easiest coping strategy to feel better, and in the case of food, it happens to be the very thing that we went to for comfort from the day we were born. So, the relief comes... but then so does the shame, again. And so goes the cycle.

Instead, I like to approach binges not as something to punish or be ashamed of. Instead, when a binge occurs, I think it's a wonderful opportunity to collect data. A binge can tell us a lot about what is going on internally. It's not an intimidating or guilt or shame- producing process; instead, it's a project.

The first step is to bring awareness to a binge as it is occurring, and once you begin to notice every time it happens, then try to turn your attention to noticing the very beginning of the binge, and after that, the thoughts and feelings that you inevitably experience right before you are about to binge. You don't even have to stop the binge; just consistently become AWARE of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that happen before and during the event.

The second step, after you begin to naturally notice the very beginning of the binge thoughts, decide to get curious. Curiosity is something that feels good, removes judgment, and produces results. Ask questions to yourself: what happened today or this week that's pushed me to the point of turning to this comfort mechanism? Is there something I can identify that I'm lacking? Am I tired, or lonely, or angry, or weary, etc. How is this behavior making me feel emotionally and physically? What am I expecting to get from this? Could I have an underlying limitation I could seek help for (anxiety, depression, etc.)?

At this point, we may not have the skills (notice I did not use the word willpower) yet to stop the binge before it starts. But we have begun collecting data. So the third step is to engage the binge. Tell the binge you see it, you are aware of what is happening, and even though you may not able to stop it, let it know you are collecting every last bit of data you can while it's going on. This binge will not affect your self worth or attack your character. This binge will teach you something about what is happening in real time.

Now, let's say we have had a binge session. Because we are choosing not to feel shame, we are refusing to self-punish, and we have collected data, we are going to make a record. This is something, if I am your coach, I am going to be very interested to be part of. The record will include: the day of the binge, the severity/intensity of the binge, the length of time the binge lasted, and all the things you noticed before, during, and after the binge. This will be our log! This is such an important thing because as you make progress, if you have a slip, you will probably forget about every bit of progress you have made and feel frustration and discouragement over the slip. But what you will begin to see through the log is that you're becoming more aware, you're getting to know and love your body, and learning to love to nourish it, strengthen it, and develop some pride over it, and you are also catching onto its telltale signs and symptoms. So instead of the log being a record of your "wrongs", it becomes the method that encourages you, because you've been learning and growing and changing whether it feels like it all the time or not!

This progress can look like: more space in between binges, less severe binges, binging on healthier options, having shorter binges, and releasing the reactive "now I have to restrict!" piece. It is so encouraging! And it feels good, and the change is not exhausting your willpower; instead it is creating actual desire, using the knowledge, care, and safety you are feeding to yourself.

So if you start a new fitness and eating routine, and you lack a lot of self-trust, confidence, or calmness around food, or your ability to succeed, know that it's ok. Don't be surprised that your desire to eat up all of your favorite things will not just go away. It takes time to develop the knowledge to understand why the binges are happening, and how to learn coping and comfort skills from other sources. Slip ups happen, and they do not mean all progress will be lost and they do not mean you are flawed. Because you are not.

After a slip, because we have let go of perfectionistic and idealistic thinking, we just calmly and consistently return to home base and to the habits we are growing, and we commit to our process, and simply pick back up where we left off.

If you are committed to the process and determined to stay the course, even if it's slow progress at times, you WILL get where you want to go. The only way at that point to fail is to quit.